Category Archives: Faith

Finding freedom in the dance.


This picture represents what I feel in my heart and soul as I come close to my Lord; none of those aches and pains, no heavy rucksack of guilt, shame or fear, no tears, just freedom and joy.

I began the preparation for this, my final faith marker, in reflecting what it means to me to be set free from earthly cares, contemplating an eternity living in the promises of our faithful God, now and after earthly death.  I used some of of my favourite scripture with the help of Bible Gateway and Word It Out to create a word cloud to visualise the promises.  This is a great help to me in the compilation of my dance, the medium I have rather rashly chosen to put together my 4 faith markers in the hope that it will bring them together to make the whole; my journey.


The cloud brings out so many of the words that describe the life Jesus would wish us to live as a child of God.  Which ones stand out for you I wonder?  None of us know what our life will look like, what amazing things God has planned for us, what challenges we will meet.  We would like to be able to see the bigger picture, like the impressive people picture created by Hamburg in its bid to host the 2024 Olympics.  However, in His great wisdom, our Lord gives us what we NEED to know, in small steps, rather than what we WANT to know.

I have just come to the end of a five day exploration of north-west Spain, based in the 3rd most travelled pilgrimage destination for Christians, Santiago de Compostela.  Although the main purpose of our visit was to spend time with our daughter, Katie, who is now living and working there, it seems curiously apposite, and possibly a gracious answer to prayer that she is based here.

Pilgrimage seems to be about a personal journey of exploration, reflection, people, challenge, walking, sometimes singing, sometimes hurting, perhaps feeling lost and ultimately victory and joy having successfully reached the end of the route.

The purpose of Christian pilgrimage was summarized by Pope Benedict XVI this way:

To go on pilgrimage is not simply to visit a place to admire its treasures of nature, art or history. To go on pilgrimage really means to step out of ourselves in order to encounter God where he has revealed himself, where his grace has shone with particular splendour and produced rich fruits of conversion and holiness among those who believe. Above all, Christians go on pilgrimage to the Holy Land, to the places associated with the Lord’s passion, death and resurrection. They go to Rome, the city of the martyrdom of Peter and Paul, and also to Compostela, which, associated with the memory of Saint James, has welcomed pilgrims from throughout the world who desire to strengthen their spirit with the Apostle’s witness of faith and love.[4]

I have just come to the conclusion of an excellent book about overcoming oppression and persecution, ‘The Beekeeper’s Promise’ by Fiona Valpy.  It also unexpectedly mentions Santiago and pilgrims and concludes; ‘Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain’.

So this is why I have chosen dance as my means of expressing my journey of faith.  I have chosen ‘No Longer Slaves’ by Bethel Music to dance to.  Its lyrics and compilation describe my 4 markers closely and its ultimate verse declares my new identity:

You split the sea so I could walk right through it

My fears were drowned in perfect love

You rescued me and I will stand and sing

I am child of God.



Finding my way in the storm….


I remember an occasion a few years after I began my journey of discovery, having a conversation with a fellow member of the church youth team as we were planning a session for our young people.  He had been a disciple for a lot longer than I and I felt I had a lot to learn. We were reflecting on how it may be easier to be confident in our faith when all was going well but what if it wasn’t?  What if our foundations are severely tested, like Job?  How would our faith stand up then?  I hadn’t at that time had a ‘storm’ in my life so I really didn’t know.  I have always loved St Paul’s prayer for the church in Ephesus and prayed this for myself over the years:

Ephesians 3: 16 ‘I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.’  

Like the parable Jesus told about the man who built his house on the rock such that it stood strong during the storm, would my foundations prove robust enough to stand when inevitably I encountered life’s storms?


Well, I was soon to find out via my twin 3rd key markers; my suspension from work and my father’s illness and death.  I’m not going to go into the details of the work situation except to say that it arose partly through my own naivety in applying my faith to trying to help another.  There was an investigation and an exoneration and lessons learned.  When Dad was dying I cried out to God to save him.  He didn’t answer that prayer by keeping him alive but he answered it in several other ways that demonstrated God’s infinite and unfathomable grace mercy and timing.  I now understand why I had had a deep conviction that I needed to talk to him about Jesus during the 2 years leading up to his illness.  When I was crying out to him for a miraculous healing, I wasn’t told that I would be granted my request.  Instead I was given peace and the promise that Jesus would be with me throughs this difficult journey, helping me to be strong for my family.  During Dad’s final days we were given a ‘window’ of lucidity that interrupted his descent into coma during which we could say the things that needed to be said and I was assured that God had indeed saved him.  I look forward to the day when we get to hang out together again and he can given me the heavenly guided tour!

During those times I was aware of being carried by the prayers of my church family and by my Lord’s strong arms holding me up and stopping me drowning.  The one who was the co-orchestrator of the beginning of time and the Universe, who can control the skies and seas was holding me up and enfolding me with love.  I was pointed to some of the Psalms; 30 and 31 were the perfect salve and source of hope.  The words of Brian Doerksen, ‘Faithful One’, have always spoken powerfully to me about this time and the wonderful art of Iain McKillop perfectly depicts how the drowning person is rescued by Jesus (by reaching out to His outstretched hand), the link to the unknowable all-powerful one.


Finding the truth about me, finding true love.

As W Paul Young, the author of The Shack, said in his interview, ‘Once I have discovered the truth about my being, through the Holy Spirit, I can then start to live out the truth of my being’.

So, the next step for me was to respond to that still small voice.  Having now married a wonderful man by God’s grace (to us both) and been blessed with 2 beautiful children, I wanted the best for us all.  The biggest facet of this wish was to get off the fence about what I believed about God so that I knew how to give my family the best of me and the best of the world:  Did God exist?  Was Jesus who he said he was?  If so, so what?  Whilst Dave and I had got married in church that was all about family expectations and a romantic view of marriage on my part.  Dave went along with it because he loved me and no other reason.

It was at this point that I began to start attending Holy Trinity Church and  along with a group of others, embarked upon the ‘Saints Alive’ course (similar to Alpha) where we got to consider the evidence together and then choose to make a response.  During this time I read a lot of books.  One of these, ‘Who Moved the Stone?’ by Frank Morrison, an atheist journalist who, in researching his book purported to disprove Jesus’s claims, found them to be so convincingly true, he became a follower.  Much like Lee Stroebel, author of ‘The Case for Christ’.  By the end of the course I had heard enough to be convinced that the evidence stacked up, so now it was down to me.


I prayed the prayer of acceptance, repentance and commitment and asked for Jesus’s spirit to live inside me.  I was somewhat disappointed that there were no thunderbolts or discernible signs that God had heard me but gradually over the weeks God’s promises all came about:

  • I became aware of my identity as a child of God (John14:20, Eph 1:4-5)
  • I am loved by him unconditionally (J
  • I could trust God’s word (2 Tim 6:16)
  • I could understand God’s word in his book, the Bible, for the first time.(John 14:26)
  • I wanted to go to church and worship with the rest of God’s family (Hebrews 10:25)
  • I stopped worrying and became when Mum calls ‘my serene daughter’. (Phil 4:6)
  • I started by transformation into a new creation (a work in progress)! Col 2:6-7
  • I want to share my great blessing with others! (Rom 1:16)
  • Finally, given that it’s Valentines Day, I want to share with you the greatest love letter ever written.  This excerpt, known as The Father’s Love Letter, is taken from verses throughout his larger letter to us, The Bible.  It describes the unique types of love that God has for his children:

חֶסֶד CHESED – The unique love of God for his children; a permanent, covenant, faithful love; not changeable, temporary or based on feelings, as it is in our modern culture.  It provides a steadfastness and a security that is completely reliable. The Greek equivalent word ‘Agape’ is described in wikipedia as the highest form of love.  As demonstrated by Jesus, it is the love that offers complete giving of self.

Having read it from cover to cover more than once, I can truly say that I am now coming to understand for the first time what unconditional love means in all its depth and complexity.  This is the second key marker in my faith journey.

Jewish saying, ‘We must meet extravagant and unreasonable hatred with an extravagant and unreasonable love’.



As Valentines Day approaches, and musing on my own journey of faith, I find myself considering how gracious God has been in creating me in his image, loving me in a way that no-one else can, calling me, waiting patiently for me to respond through years of rejection (mine of Him), rejoicing when I finally accepted Jesus as Lord, adopting me into his family. The picture of Jesus’ parable of the lost sheep speaks powerfully to me: as a teenager and young adult, I was truly lost.  I didn’t love God and I certainly didn’t love myself.  The sheep being carried by Jesus is black for a reason.

Yet my beautiful saviour was carrying me all that time!  He never gave up on me and through my university years, even though I was truly lost, he tried to engage with me through other angels (thanks Janet!) and that still small voice which I became increasingly aware of.  At this point I will share that one of the songs that really speaks to me of this time is ‘Stars’ from the film of The Shack by Paul W Young, and his interview with Nicky Gumbel is incredibly poignant for me.  He talks about the importance of telling our story and that in doing so, we are treading holy ground!

So be inspired guys and join us in the telling of our stories through this truly inspired project.  Thanks Esther for helping us to share.

Next scene will be published on Valentines day but anyone interested in my other Musings on the interface between working as a doctor and being a follower of Jesus could pick this up.

A Song to bring in the New Year……

Much as I loved Christmas and wanted the new year to herald a new start of goodness and promise, somehow the dawn of the year always felt like a damp squib – watching TV, drinking (possibly too much), and if I was very formulaic, taking in Jools Holland’s Hootenanny followed by the fireworks competition to created the biggest spectacular show around the globe.  And then that song we sing – you know, that one that only 3% of the population know the words to (and probably fewer understand their meaning)…..

It has in the past made me feel very small and insignificant and somewhat purposeless.  This year I decided to do things differently, start as I mean to go on.  We started the beginning of Christmas eve as a church family memorising the verses of Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. (The Message)



Trust like a child

Of course I feel insignificant – I am.  In the presence of the Creator of the Universe, the big ‘I Am’, I’m tiny.  And yet I was known and loved while I was still I’m my mothers womb (Psalm 139) and I am loved with the most unimaginably huge love (John3v16).

Next I spent time lovingly wrapping belated Christmas presents for my 104 year old Nana who I lived with for a year as a child and who I know looks forward to every one of my infrequent tracks over to Lancashire.  I want to do anything I can to help improve her quality of life, so reduced by loss of sight and memory. I hope that the illuminated magnifier and photo album with large prints of family together with a CD of many of her favourite songs will do just that.


Moving on, I decided I would reflect on the words of the wonderful Rend Collective anthem to the tune of Auld Lang Syne (see below together with the link to a thought provoking You Tube video). This led me to other videos as inevitably happened and I stumbled upon the interview with the actor, Jim Caviezel, who played Jesus in The Passion of the Christ.  I am aware that many committed Jesus followers have not yet seen the film. I forced myself to do so – twice. The second time was more heart wrenching than the first but I wanted to appreciate just what the son of God had done for me and all of us.  The interview was astonishing. I’d been aware that Jim was a believer prior to taking the role.  What I hadn’t know was just how costly this was for him, physically and emotionally – and yet it appears to have been transformative. Rarely have I heard such intensity, purpose, humility, wisdom and direct challenge from a celebrity. Playing Jesus and taking up the cross literally can’t but change a person.



So I have a choice – do I ignore this and do nothing with it or do I live in trust that the most wise and powerful being imaginable wants a relationship with me?  Knowing that I have already done the latter means that I am adopted into the everlasting family of God gives me both identity and purpose.

Now 2018 gives me a new perspective.

Rend Collective – For All That You Have Done

Artist: Rend Collective

Album: Campfire Christmas, Vol. 1

Your grace will never be forgot
Your mercy all my life
Will be my source forever song
My story and my light

From mountain top to valley low
through laughter and through tears
Surely the goodness of my God
Will follow all the years

For all that You have done for us
for every battle won
We’ll raise a song to bless Your heart
For all that you have done

You know our failures and regrets
You always led us home
Redemption’s arm has raised us up
Our triumph in the storm

For all that You have done for us
For every battle won
We’ll raise a song to bless Your heart
For all that you have done

(You’re faithful through the ages)

In unity we’ll stand as one
As family we’ll go
Shoulder to shoulder
Hand in hand
Into the great unknown

For all that You have done for us
For every battle won
We’ll raise a song to bless Your heart
For all that you have done